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| 03:16pm 25/05/2006 |
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music: Soul Sacrifice - Carlos Santana
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--Death has yellow eyes--
Lying down in my grave, a gravedigger dug,
The earth had been rendered, in a pile of dirt.
Around my grave nobody left a thing.
My past came to me at last,
As my eyes faced toward a yellowish light
And an angel illuminated in a silhouette.
Shadows in his face seemed dark,
I could pick out the glint of his yellow eyes,
Had he too been caught too with so many lies?
The first rain of soil landed with a thud.
Confronting death, the un-expecting,
But if I could do it all over again I would. |
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| 04:27pm 22/11/2005 |
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is the ember still lit
and the light just a wave
for our eyes to trip out on?
the rhythem of beating
flames burn the wooden
hearts, houses of ash.
they say I can't
understand, I can't
see. is this image
a blind dream? |
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| In every corner |
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| 10:19am 13/09/2005 |
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mood:  depressed
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Everybody had a part to play
Everyone has a heart to break
Everybody had a part to play
I had a big heart to break.
Words are just words I found,
Everyone aims them like weapons,
Words are just words I found,
I had the biggest gun to aim.
Everybody just leave me alone
You can call me what you want
You cant call me on the phone
Everyone just broke my heart
Words are just words I found,
If you fit in as a part of this
Words aren't meant to hurt
Everyone still has a heart to break.
Everybody had a part to play
My heart was full of everything
Everybody had a heart to break
I had a big heart thats broken.
Words are finding their target
Filling up that void of desert
From deserting mouths they cry
Because everyone will miss me
When I run away to be alone
Everybody has a heart to break
And mine will be miles away
Words arent meant to hurt
Nobody come looking for me.
Everybody had a part to play
My heart was unraveling on stage
I finally found a calling
I found everyone has a heart to break
I found every word has hit me.
In my absence the play goes on
Everyone has a heart to break
The world keeps spinning around me
All I wanted was great love.
Im still searching for deserving it
I found words arent meant to hurt
They are meant to love and please
Everybody has a part to play
Dont aim your guns at me.
Everybody has a part to play
Words aren't meant to hurt I found
They are meant to kill in the end
When your love runs out, its done
I know how many others are playing
Laughing and fucking their brains out
I know Im sitting alone on a computer
Is this the way Im susposed to vent
Or is there someone still out there
Someone that has a part to play for me
Words that are meant for my ears
Feelings that can fill my big heart
I know that someone is far away
Everyone is too near sighted like me
Funny how people will miss a goodbye. |
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Read 2 - Post |
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| 10:34am 05/09/2005 |
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mood: alive music: Zombies are good for your health
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Sounds like Engines Humming
Still and dark was the night
Spacing out, finding new realities
In the company of companions
Who sound like engines humming.
Will the noises start to make sense?
The constant sputtering, and other mechanical parts
that all dont seem to be aware
Of my presance above and controling them.
Lets drive, in a dizzy circle
Wake up with ringing in our ears
In the company of doctors, police, friends
Sounded like an engine burning.
--dealing with the anger--
- I deserved a vacation, or two
I got what I didn't expect.
- Too many bad errors
That ring way to close to heart.
- Respect, Caring
Are what I am good at.
- No matter how hard you joke
It still rings way to close to home.
- I derived an opinion
and got it thrown back in my face.
- I am Ok with all of these
Different ideas of what friends are.
- I have been myself the whole time
Take a step back and look for yourself.
- dealing with the anger
Is exactly what I have been doing.
- My situation started long before
My dad left me, my mom, and this town.
- No one else helps by doubting me
or pretending its easy to deal with.
- I know patterns repeat
But im getting out of this town.
- They said you would be there for me
And I was always there for you.
- No matter how hard I am pushed
I will continue to stand straight.
- I am getting this off my chest
And if you think its lame.
__ Let Me Go __
I will hold up a mirror,
Point it at you, and let you go.
This goes for everyone,
You stand alone.
I have paved roads
Built you a sky scraper, but
you just knocked it all down
All around me, standing alone.
Not at the bottom,
But by my ankles upside down,
From the very top your own tower,
let me go. |
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| 08:18pm 29/08/2005 |
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music: Dub Congress - Drug War & Too Much Blood
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"death squad in the third world, drug war in the first"
The things people do are starting to feel fake
The more I am exposed to reality the more I miss it
When I am exposed to lies, cons, robberies, and heartbreaks.
Im not letting go like I've been trained to do
When shit starts hitting the fan I know I should
Im just not ready to be alone if you would take me back.
"too much blood being spilt on the world today" |
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| 08:07pm 22/08/2005 |
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wow my home is silent
WOW i cant stand it alone
these thoughts they will keep coming
as i echo them down the hall
you and you should be here now
and help me as we all look for her
and there she was
the one that I dont want to stop
from thinking about day and night
and here she comes
for one last hug and one last life
i hope she sees the new me.
because i feel like a new me
in the same body and sane mind
during insane times,
no more same reactions
to different problems
and i feel like a new me.
"its already hard enough to say I NEED IT!
bad memories and good times."
ill be back with my stuttering voice
as soon as the quivering spine quits
sending mixed messages, as soon as
i get back with my slurred speech
you and you will no longer idle
as soon as i get back from here
i will be there, she will see.
"what do you need me for
I see your already worn out
There is nothing left to say
I feel like I just wear you out."
Alligator lizards in the air |
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| 01:40pm 16/08/2005 |
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Get anxious often?
I try to empty out my head of words,
but there are no words to begin with.
There was not a start without an end
and there are no footsteps, echoing away.
I try not to notice their weakness,
but within lies a guilty hearted fault.
There couldn't be another way in our out
and there are no trails, leaving town.
I try but I have not yet succeeded
but words often crash at worse times.
There was but one small recognition
and there are no friends, bending backwards.
For all those hearts I hold beating
I feel I could never let them stop, but
there was but one small wish I had
and there are no dreams come true.
I continue to pour my glass too full
but not expecting any to drink from it.
There was a girl I fell in love with
and there are no regrets, except you. |
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Read 1 - Post |
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| Silly Surfer |
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| 12:06pm 05/08/2005 |
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hey silly surfer girl
will you go surfing with me?
these old waves have been here forever
before the creation of our beaches
we can endlessly ride our boards
on our way through lapping ripples
imagining that peace, makes you silly.
and between the arguement
with your away message
and the wandering ghost
of cyber space 64.94.100.84:27015
ive never thought you would be that
silly surfer girl for me
but along the way
we caught some waves
felt the spray
and blasphemized tones
you could leave it
up to bong load jones
and his silly surfer girlfriend |
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| 11:54am 02/07/2005 |
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Theres a rock I carry around with me
Sometimes he's in my pocket
Or on my heart holding me down.
When I looked at the aging groves
They reminded me of his face
Or a fractioned peice of my own.
When its in my hand I want to share it
Sometimes I would willingly give it away
Or at least for a little while.
Theres a rock that you can help me carry
They tell me you can do it with me
Or you will be another rock in my heart. |
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| 01:02pm 04/06/2005 |
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-exploding, twisting, turning...
I lied tangled in my bed sheets
Pain shooting up my neck and my head, my
thoughts were learning how to forget it
next time we would be ready I thought
My eyes always shifting, twisting, turning...
They lied to me about my dreams
All humans lie and decieve,
and we percieve no trust in their words,
we learn how to forget them too-
-i understand that somedays
we all feel alone. You feel cant
always trust your heart, and
you drown it out with your music.
when I lost everything, I was
left with your music and
a new trust, and always trust
your heart-
-If I could just say one thing more
It would change everything. I will
change everything, I will as soon as
I figure out what to say- |
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| 02:57am 30/05/2005 |
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mood:  chipper music: Pink Floyd
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Ong Bak
I know Tai Boxing |
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| Over you |
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| 12:45am 23/05/2005 |
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There I was back in my room.
Home alone and really loud music
The caution tape hanging by the window
The birds, trees, earth, and moon.
How long was I in this mess.
The guitar case doubled on the floor
and the clothes and junk reminded me
of all the broken sentences i had left.
So I could just close my eyes and strum
and all I would see was you
and the way you used to remind me
to put it all away before i was done.
Or I could walk next to you outside
on the path to the tree and laugh about
some stupid joke in the depths of my
mind and they still call me a fool.
I still have my heads in the clouds
The caution tape warns me,
And once I get outside my room
Who will take my place here.
I fill it all with my life.
I go out just to have fun
and when I finally get back home again
I fall in love with my really loud music. |
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| Its Fictional |
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| 01:45am 16/04/2005 |
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Dear Diary,
In my dream i just awoke from to feel two tears,
I can recall a face that i havent seen in years.
Marc
It was my old history teacher that I was reading about in the newspaper, who had been mysteriously disappearing during school. I remember that some of the kids thought that he was going into the ball room to pump up all the ball before recess. Some of the kids thought that he went to the copy room to make all the hand outs.
The nastiest rumors I heard at school were about some sinister men that he would meet with. I never did see any strange men around, infact everybody looked kind of the same today. Had they all heard the news too? After reading that article I really didn't know who to believe. My friend Jon, was telling me about his dream, and how the murder of our teacher had come to him. My friend Jon was now being interviewed by some strange sinister men. I hate looking into their narrow eyes.
We all remember what happened after Jon got taken away. Just ask anybody from our class. Just ask anybody from his family. Just ask anybody who read the paper. Or listened to the rumors in school.
Could a kid kill a man? When would a killer come back... would he still be a kid? Our faces were so young then. Just ask anybody with a camera. Just ask the media as they exposed their whole family. My friends were innocent once. And I haven't seen them since. |
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| Its fictional |
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| 04:32pm 10/04/2005 |
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Dear Diary,
In my dream I feel from the very top of a cloud.
When I was about to hit land I woke with a start.
Jon.
It was tuesday when Jon got up in the morning. As he sat up toread the clock hanging on the wall, which was blinking 12:00, he noticed the curtain was cracked open pouring sunlight into his musky room. He could see the dust particles and noticed how calm they seemed after a seemingly good nights rest; however, when Jon got up and threw open the rest of the curtains he did not recognize anything beyond the window sill. Where his window over looked the alley and where the the vacant lot was where his friends used to play baseball, was now a meadow of the greenest grass Jon had seen. The sky seemed endlessly tall with thundering giant cumulous clouds, and he looked up to see how the sun had broken just beyond the mass of a dangerously dark cloud. As Jon turned back to his room he noticed that the walls were painted in the exact same landscape and as he walked towards the tip of his bed the whole room had seemed to camoflague into the same sheltered environment that was outside. At this point Jon felt that if he blinked he could have been outside under the mercy of the weather, and puzzle over the many paradoxes his mind was stumbling over in the middle of nowhere. Jon closed his eyes and found his way to the wall. When his heart stopped racing enough he opened his eyes and found the lights. When he flipped on the light switch nothing happened. That was when the clouds blanketed out the sun from the sky, and he felt day slip into a greyness that the room was now actively changing colors to match the environment. Jon, feeling uneasy, flew over to his bookcase, which was by now also as camoflagued as a cloud, and picked out a thick novel. To ease his mind he blew through the pages of that grey book, reading words that to him were like the wind, but these new ideas came to him like the rain pouring from the sky. Jon sat there for many days the clock always blinking 12:00 and the rain always seeming to pour harder. And to him it seemed like the start of his dream. He fell from the top of a cloud, but the rain seemed to be continually falling from taller heights.
The End |
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| The picture of a picture |
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| 02:18pm 06/04/2005 |
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I was warned by a medicine man.
That was why I hold onto my soul.
When everybody lets theirs fly,
I will tether mine down, down.
He told me, beware of the camera.
That was why I hold onto my sanity.
When everybody is being watched,
I will disappear, disappear.
In the black room he cautioned.
The creator will hold onto my soul.
When everybody lets their soul die,
He will keep me alive, alive. |
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| To a girl with a painted face that likes nature and stuff |
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| 10:36pm 05/04/2005 |
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and as it came to you.
It, or the fear, planted these seeds of
time, that I believe lied, while lying whispering next to me,
it even told me of the darkest jungle's needs.
afterwards comrades you would make me, but now,
Right now just look at the tree, and the inside of
the fruits could spill forth a suculant red sea,
For loot or juice, or choices to decide
inspired by the hooves of a mighty moose
or the wings of a humming bird, a halo and a sea horse,
it seemed that albeit we blindly picked the noose
to which you were to see It, and now strangle out all remorse.
and as it came to me, upon my own blossoming tree
rested a great gull from the Red Sea.
He cawed at me so I could hear why. To see
and come to understand, he said while tilting his head
to peer with a beady black eye. To live to die,
i sigh. No more, he caws and from atop my head
I said, And will you say until the end of days to be, until
we should be, right now or when its no longer possible to focus;
Just love, just feel, just be lying next to me
whispering or lying. |
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| 10:59pm 18/03/2005 |
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There lies miles of stone
Where lines drawn in walls
Here lips drips with a moan
When highs dip like your hips
Feeling stems rooted in guilt
Pleasing sips of red wine
Rest hard from the wall you built
Through your heart of mine
Though fools will always spill
So will wine always create drunk games
More wood for the fire pit's fill
A flick could lay it all to flames
On your cloud of smoke and stone
Lines circle an infinite cavity
Rest hard from the wine we drank alone
Warm beside a fire, and by you and me. |
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| 10:24pm 06/03/2005 |
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time bone
"tell me what u think
tell me
speak flesh is pink
communication finally is free
and,
separate your daddy
shame and innocence
fuck, the fuck body
im created in time hence
and,
im nice guy's, finish in last
when do you fuckin think
caesar is past
it gave me a link
and,
smoke more
problem child
drink more
your phase "wild"
and,
im separated
16 my luckiest
named and tainted
bestest
and,
im drunk
im stoned
not all the skunks
stink, time boned." |
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| you |
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| 09:07am 01/03/2005 |
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mood:  creative music: pinback - victorious D
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theres a girl living in my heart
she fell through, it had to be you.
where the wildest man, dwelled so still
it made him sick, but I know true
and to his heart, a part of him was dead
when she fell through, right to his head.
theres a girl looking out my eyes
mirrors reflect, said it had to be us
show me all your evil, where I have a plan.
what made me sick, i wont let hurt you.
and to my heart, know what you know true
you're in my heart and mind. |
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| Its up to me |
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| 01:34am 02/02/2005 |
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I take a long, deep breath in.
And think of all the oxygen
rushing to my head,
So I can be a working system
Model working class citizen.
As I exhaled the earth held its breath
Until a tree rose and gave birth
To your resource,
So you can live under a roof.
Its all surival of the fittest.
You look at me, as if I were a mirror
For all your qualities you project.
and my discontent
for having spent my time held in your gaze
Fuck no, from this point on.
I've decided that long ago you all had to hide
but you waited untill I was the mastermind to find
Its up to me
To change the very sytem my body dwells in
I have to live and breathe in rebellion. |
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